apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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