Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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