i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
birth control should be required to get into college
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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