i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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