Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
People in love make me want to vomit
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
