i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
