i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
