May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
