i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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