that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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