his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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