I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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