is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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