New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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