just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
