im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
