You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
