is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
