you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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