I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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