Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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