so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
