By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
