Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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