I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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