Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
