Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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