I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
