Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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