Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
