apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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