My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
