Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
