My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
