her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
we're so committed to being not committed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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