i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
