So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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