While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
