so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
