i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
