yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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