I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
