Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
this just has baby written all over it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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