Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
