im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
