when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
