Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
