rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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