if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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