party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
