FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There r osticjed everywhere
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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