Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
