There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
