So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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