If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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