dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
