He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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