Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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