Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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