you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
