I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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