you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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