I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
