dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
