My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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