I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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