You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
