super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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