Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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