I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
