I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
